This can only be good for the economy, says The Wall Street Journal, in an outpouring of logorrhea only rivalled by Craig Keener’s recent work on miracles. Although – and unless I’ve missed the possibility that Keener was making an elaborate joke in his two-volume flight of fancy – The WSJ may be a little more tongue-in-cheek:
The Giants’ victory will provide a much-needed boost to the nation’s economy…. On Tuesday, for the first time since the “Occupy” protesters were ousted from Zuccotti Park, thousands of members of the “99%” will descend on Lower Manhattan. But this time, instead of division and conflict, the gathering will foster unity as bankers, construction workers and busboys come together to celebrate a uniquely American story: the triumph of a less-talented younger brother over his more-talented brother’s more-talented arch-nemesis…. Imagine the economic ripples to come: Goldman Sachs executives, caught up in the jubilant celebration outside their offices, decide to forgive billions in underwater mortgages. Homeowners, relieved of their burdensome debts, hit the stores to buy up Ahmad Bradshaw bobbleheads and some of those tough, American-made Chryslers that Clint Eastwoodwas talking about at halftime. The ensuing manufacturing renaissance restores American competitiveness, while the sudden fuel-efficiency gains from all those new cars help drive down oil prices, putting still more money in Americans’ wallets. Washington politicians, inspired by New York’s example, end their partisan infighting and agree on sensible, comprehensive budget reform, leaving the U.S. on firmer financial footing. Europe, seeing the power of football, gives up soccer entirely and experiences a sudden surge in productivity that miraculously resolves the continent’s debt crisis. In short, the Giants’ victory ushers in an era of global prosperity. The grateful masses give the credit to Madonna, who boldly called for world peace at the end of her halftime performance. Eli Manning humbly lets her bask in the spotlight, his goofy grin giving no hint of his critical role ending poverty and conflict.
And for all the Gingas out there, here’s M.I.A’s salute for all the good work the US of A has been doing in the Middle East this past decade: