How Do You Know When You’re Having Sex With a Fallen Angel? Some Handy Hints from a Biblical Scholar

Just last week, a reader of Remnant of Giants arrived at this site having entered the following search-phrase into a search-engine:

how do u know when your [sic] having sex with a fallen angel?

Good question! Remnant of Giants is rapidly becoming a key resource for readers wanting advice on how to deal with biblical Giants and their evil fathers, the fallen angels, especially since July ’09, when fallen angel fiction officially eclipsed the vampire fiction craze. In the expectation that our reader could well be suffering from a common yet potentially paralyzing mid-coital fear, I have compiled a list of things to look for before engaging in soul-destroying fallen angel intercourse. These handy hints are the fruit of my many years of study in Engel Wissenschaft, as this subdiscipline of biblical scholarship is known today.

  1. Feathers. Obviously, if you discover strange feathers in your bed, do not proceed to having sex. This may well indicate a fallen angel. But before you call for a priest, do remember to check for any rips in the duvet! We’ve all been there.
  2. If he says his name is “Chronos” or “Metatron” or “Azazel” or something really dark, ominous and spine-chilling like that, this will most probably be a fallen angel. The same goes for some obvious variant on “angel”, like “Angela”, “Angelo”, “Angelus” or “Michaelangelo”. This is usually a dead giveaway, as non-fallen-angel guys are almost always called by more ordinary names, such as “Ben” or “Roger” or “Dirk”. If you’re about to engage in sex and he hasn’t yet told you his name: just ask him!
  3. If he says anything unusual or slightly creepy like, “Tonight, I don’t just want your delicious, delectible mortal body; I want your soul as well” or “Now you are mine for all Eternity”, this is a surefire indication that you’re dealing with one of those beings who once fell from the throne-room of God. Fallen angels just can’t stop themselves spurting this crap, no matter how totally tragic and, like, Buffy Season One that it sounds!  Definitely avoid.
  4. Warnings. Don’t ignore them, they could be a lifesaver. The types of warnings you definitely should take notice of are those delivered by priests (especially rogue priests whom you have never seen before – listen to them! these guys really know their supernatural foes!), good angels (obviously), tramps and derelicts, men wearing mediaeval hoods, and meter-readers. Meter-readers are often not who we think they are (think about it: we’re in the twenty-first century, you’ve got wireless broadband and can communicate instantly on any fallen angel fan-board located anywhere in the world, but the power company has to send a person to your house to read something transmitted by lines. Not likely.).
  5. Glowing red eyes. Speaks for itself, really.
  6. He has a supernaturally large donger. Although the fact is not widely appreciated, all fallen angels are males. This is one of the reasons, of course, why some angels decided to descend to Earth, leaving the good homosexual angels in Heaven. Filled with lust for mortal female flesh, it was the insatiable sexual appetites of the fallen angels which first provoked them to leave the heavens. As theologians have known since time immemorial, fallen angels are the great man-sluts of the cosmos. [N.b. although there are no female fallen angels, this does not mean that men can engage in sexual intercourse without fear that their partner may be a supernatural being from the legions of the forces of darkness. There are still female demons, succubi, including Lilith herself, female vampires, etc, to look out for.]
  7. If there are old black-and-white photographs around his place, in which he appears looking exactly the same age, then you probably have a fallen angel on your hands (although, possibly just a vampire). Along similar lines, keep a look out for very old or dusty books lying around his place, especially ones containing strange scripts or magic spells. Remember: do not read the magic spells.

If you have any further questions, comments, or suggestions concerning the identification of fallen angels, please do not hesitate to include them in the comments section below.

About these ads

50 Comments

Filed under Ancient Jewish texts, Fallen angels

50 responses to “How Do You Know When You’re Having Sex With a Fallen Angel? Some Handy Hints from a Biblical Scholar

  1. Gillian

    LOL Thank God for you Deane … I feel so much safer now (although I do admit that the whole meter-reader “person” thing HAS got me worrying now …)

    • Kayte

      If Jesup is God’s spirit robed in flesh and he didn’t commit sin and he remained pure securely what in the world makes you think celestial beings are having see especially homosexuality? Hello. That’s an abomination unto God. The sin was PRIDE and POWER which is how lucifer and 1/3rd the angels got ejected from heaven which is without sin! 13 us a major number in occult just like 3 6 9 etc. There are 6 crowned princes of hell. There are fallen angels which have their own bodies and there are demons which search to inhabit one even if it’s an animal. In biblical days fallen angels and evil humans had sec and had hybrid children like the royal families today for example. But back in Noahs day God destroyed these wicked people through flood and these peoples souls were left on earth which we now know as demons. GOD made a rainbow as a sign he will never destroy the earth by water again. Haha of course the gay community would take that and pervert it. You can transfer demons through sex. In the bible for example the pagans were the ones who had sex and tossed their own children into the fire to get what they wanted from baal is 1 named lower case god. But it never worked. That’s why the Jews God was proving himself as almighty. Telling his people do not worship me in the ways of the wicked. Because it’s not right. Do some research. The illuminati is 3 powerful families that control the world’s bank. Your rothschild rocker feller and jesuits there’s 300 supporting families under neath them. Think about the name rothschild. There is a crowned prince fallen angel named astaroth biblically goes back to canaanites which were wicked people. So technically the rothschild family sounds like the child of astaroth! It comes down to if it’s not of God it’s of the devil so just don’t go having sex unless it’s to the man you’re married to. And you don’t have unnecessary drama issues worries concerns. Etc

  2. Emma England

    Thank you for your help, I was worrying, although I think you missed ‘supernaturally hot and not white of skin (vampires) or excessively hairy (werewolves)’

    About the prominence of said fiction, I can’t quite work out if you are serious or not (your brain fries mine sometimes) but I’m pretty sure fallen angel fiction has not eclipsed vampire fiction. Romance novels have pulled on the former, which may give the impression in some areas, but fantasy fiction still prefers the latter. Of course this is called urban fantasy and is usually romantic in type so go figure! Fine line between them. Young adult fantasy might be moving away from vamps to fallen angels, but I don’t think as a whole they are.

    Ok, I know too much about this shit (my next project, if I have my way!).

    PS I object to your scurrilous betrayal of Buffy S1! The Master was a guru, he can’t help it if he was not as silver of tongue as the Mayor. Poor Master, such a hard life.

    • I repent of my betrayal of Buffy Season One. It was all brilliant irony on horror subgenres.

      • Emma England

        Damn you and your irony! Please label it next time, with a big sign *This is an irony label for Emma*

        Thank you ;)

        PS Your apology is accepted.

      • Tyrone Slothrop

        Actually, I meant that Buffy Season One was brilliant irony on horror subgenres. Although, admittedly, this post was brilliant, too, and sort of ironic in an Alanis way.

  3. Jim

    just exactly how many skanky readers do you have that are so promiscuous that they aren’t sure that their multiple partners aren’t human?

  4. Definitely making this required reading for my Old Testament Introduction, Exegesis of Genesis, and Dynamics of Spiritual Warfare classes, as well as collateral for my Exegesis of the Song of Solomon…

    • Tyrone Slothrop

      That’s beautiful, Lawson. But I don’t want you being all rash, and getting fired from Asbury Theological Seminary. I hear they have some fairly strict standards out there.

  5. If I’m not too late, can I put in a request for more similar posts answering similar spiritual conundrums that have confronted me in my life. Like, How Do You Know When That The Cute Boy You’re Talking With In The Chat Room And Arranging To Meet At A Travelodge Near Luton Airport Is Actually A Fat Old Cop Just Pretending To Be A Cute Boy? Also, How Do You Know When The Romanian Kid You Picked Up At The Salford Bus Depot Is Actually A Cop Just Pretending To Be A Romanian Kid? Also, How Do You Know When That Dirty Gypsy Punk Might Have Stolen Your Wallet?

    • Tyrone Slothrop

      Nicolas, you do realise we have your ISP and so we know perfectly well this is not the esteemed Berlusconi Youth, but only the President of France? (Well, just to preclude your inevitable rejoinder: yes, we know you’re also Co-Prince of Andorra… as if THAT makes any difference to anything.) You’re not fooling anybody here. You just can’t help yourself with those anti-Roma racist sleights, can you? Fucking fascist motherfucker.

  6. Very well, I confess. Carla is pregnant, you see. I cannot stand it. She is no longer desirable to me. Her body disgusts me, you understand? I am not proud of this, but this is what it has come to. My analyst, BHL, tells me it is – oh wait I just saw an ad for a TV show about Atlantis – BHL has told me that it is perfectly understandably that fearing the abject power of the womb I would seek out the barren gut of youth.

    And so, if it is fascism to protect European borders, European culture, and European values, I stand convicted.

  7. You’ve got great insights about stand up comedian from salford, keep up the good work!

  8. Jim

    Hmmm… Feathers… that would give it away.

    Here’s a new one I thought of:

    How do you know when you’re having sex with a giant? It’s like having an episiotomy all over again!

    Actually, our mutual friend Steve Quayle thought of that one while on Coast radio a few years ago.

  9. Jim

    I’ll have to find the episode again. I think it was like ’07 or ’08. It was more of an answer to a frequent question he got, than an actual joke, but he did mention it.

    • Tyrone Slothrop

      Really? That Steve Quayle has more of a sense of humour than I ever imagined. I mean, I’ve read parts of his books, and those are certainly a joke, but that one about the episiotomy even sounds intentional.

  10. Pingback: Remnant of Giants gone mainstream | Remnant of Giants

  11. I already had an experienced having sex with a spirit. i was molested or raped while I was sleeping. It happened not in my physical body but outside in my astral body. The spirit I suspect comes from the tree located in front of my window where my footer of my bed is located. When I opened my eyes her skin is green. My d*ck has been kinda squeezed into a soft rubber tube and when I woke up my underwear is wet. It’s not a dream because I am well aware and awake. It was a succubus experience and I do not like it. It was againt my will. By the way I am a guy.

    • Mindless Berlusconi Yooth

      Jerry, bro, you need to ask yourself one very simple question about where your relationship with that green-skinned astral chick is headed:

      What would Captain Kirk do?

  12. vanessa

    So many of you believe that falling angels (demons) as we know of them being called or that they will be giants . They’re here now in human form .I have met one and I have had sex with him and he’s beautiful and theres no feathers . I wonder where your getting your info from .I would like to ask a question to someone who can answer it with all seriousness. Can a Demon be risen ?
    I know the end is near and we are in the last days . I know what Ive read about falling Angels coming down and having sexual relations with women but thatm was many many years ago and yes its said that the children came to be giants .. Ive also read that the flood to them out of existance and the angels left he human bodies to save there own asses …I know there have been demon posessed people who had to have exercisms performed on them to have the demon flee from that body ..But no where have I even found or read anything about them being born a human being. I asked a question to him as if did he posess this humon body while still in the womb or did he take over the body sfter its birth . He didnt give me the answer I wanted to hear and changed the story and went on to another convo .I asked again ad he replied ,” I was born the same way you were..Thats not what I had asked . i asked if he had posessed this human body in the womb. but i left it at what he had said last . I almost felt like is this guy for real which made the desire to get to know him better so I can determin if he;s lying or not . Now that I haveslept with him ggg

    • vanessa

      continued ……. Now that I have slept with him even tho it was the best i have ever had as if he knew exactly what liked and it seemed as if he knew my body more then I know my ownself.. He warned me that he was a risen Demon when we met and aasked if I believed if a demon could be risen . I replyed anything is possible , that our Creater is of love and forgivness but what I have studied tell of satan and the demons will be done away with in the end .. but it dosnt say weither a Demon can be risen or not . so Im asking for someone who might have some knowledge on this matter . also I wonder if Im in trouble with our Faher our ceater and will I be forgiven fo having sexual relation with a demon . even tho at the time I was’t sure if he was or not for sure but I was warned and told he was and I took that chance knowing theres a chance that he is a Demon .. Im scared a little .but I made a choice and I will have to deal with it .!

      • Mystic

        U wouldnt find feathers bc its a demon not a fallen angel, different species. No they cant be risen bc they dont want to be. If he is saying he is he is a lier & is trying to play mind games with u so he can have his way. Im praying 4 u bc he wil not leave u alone he wil try to possess u. Just keep pleading the blood of Jesus the Christ.

      • Adonel

        I can answer your questions. Yes you made love to a Fallen. Yes you will be judged, but only The Father can truly cast a judgement, and none know what that judgement is till they are being judged. A demon and a Fallen are not the same. I thank you for your kindness, not many are as correct on there tellings and not many would be so kind.

    • sister in christ

      anyone can be saved; problem is the fallen angels have entered numerous people and they get puffed-up; they have to stop giving in to its desires and start obeying Christ

      • sister in christ

        addendum: a fallen angel is an antichrist; if a person can’t confess Jesus Christ as being born of a virgin, the son of God, lived as a sinless human; curcified for our sins; died and rose again…..then according to Christ Himself that person is an antichrist. satan has many little helpers in the world afterall earth is satan’s playground.

      • Adonel

        wrong in so many accounts I can not even believe this! The Fallen are fallen and can not be saved and we are not the Anticrist! There is onlyne Antichrist and he certainly believes in the Holy Father, but refuses to bow before Him. And no if a person does noconfess the Son Of The Father, they are not an Antichrist, just not a bliever and a fallen sinner. Even in the Christ said the demons believe but are decieved and therefor will not turn back. Read the Holy Book little more carefuly before calling something what it is not.

  13. Pingback: More sex with fallen angels | Remnant of Giants

  14. Mirr

    He Blinded Me With Sarcasm

  15. After reading this, obviously the writer has never encountered or had sex with an angel.

  16. sibusiso

    It is clear that you don’t only promote the fallen angels theology but also blasfeming against The Almighty God. Angels of God are not homosexuals and I believe that their not into sexual activities. Repent!

    • Adonel

      by saying this you obviouly have not done your homework. Do not Speak so ouof toung next time. And be careful before you blasphim yourself against the Holy Boook of Enoch. And he was not talking about the Angelic, but rather the Fallen who no longer follow The Father’s will. The Fallen ARE REAL.do not doubt it. Read the Bible if you do not believe me.

  17. Adonel

    I find this actually both rather amusing and not very kind. You are very wrong by the way, the fallen are not just male friend… they can be female, they just can not carry the demon spawn Nephilim. That is why the males need the human females. Have fun in panic. Oh, and be glad i found this, not all the femal Fallen are as forgiving.

    • Adonel you talk like you are a falling angel , why cant you ask the father to for give you? the book of Enoch is a book from the bible, but didn’t put in the bible why?? you know why , and , at first I believe you as just a guy wanting to be seen , , so you made it how the flood wrap every thing out , but I do have to say you have to be here , for the end time tells it u all hide behind the u.f.o crap why the only time they let people go is when they say the son name or pray , 2oo of you fell who was your leader’s ?? your not a high up so you low in rink , I have the book of Enoch ,

      • Adonai[edit]
        Shefa Tal – A Kabbalistic explanation of the Priestly Blessing with Adonai inscribed.
        In the Masoretic Text, the name YHWH is vowel pointed as יְהֹוָה, as if pronounced YE-HO-VAH in modern Hebrew, and Yəhōwāh in Tiberian vocalization. Traditionally in Judaism, the name is not pronounced but read as Adonai /ˈædəˈnaɪ/ (“Master”, “Lord”[10]) during prayer, and referred to as HaShem (“the Name”) at all other times. This is done out of reluctance to pronounce the name anywhere but in the Temple in Jerusalem, due to its holiness. This tradition has been cited by most scholars as evidence that the Masoretes vowel pointed YHWH as they did only to indicate to the reader they are to pronounce “Adonai” in its place. While the vowel points of אֲדֹנָי (Aḏōnáy) and יְהֹוָה (Yəhōwāh) are very similar, they are not identical, which may indicate that the Masoretic vowel pointing represented the actual pronunciation of the name YHWH and was not or not only an indication to use a substitute name (Qere-Ketiv).[11]

  18. Pingback: Search Engine Referrals to Remnant of Giants | Remnant of Giants

  19. Pingback: 7 things @ way later than 9 o’clock (9.5)

  20. Pingback: [links] Link salad ties another to the rack | jlake.com

  21. I will now forever wonder: was it my feather pillow or…?

  22. BellaRayne Justice Royall

    Please… tell me you are joking!!! So what would happen if a half-vampire(like myself) and a fallen angel successfully mated n their child is born?

  23. Akogwu Godwin

    Who are the fallen angels

  24. I know I have read that in the last days it will be like in the days of Noah; which is when the fallen angels had sex with women and their babies were born, being so numerous that they filled the whole earth… So I do believe that these fallen angels had the reproductive capability. But what I am wondering is, really how does a women know if she is being intimate with an angel in today’s time? Also, why not, why is it against the ‘law’ for angels to fall in love and be intimate with a woman?

  25. SpirituallyGuarded

    Did you ever actually read the bible? Cannibals are not funny and not fictional. As for the Vampire stuff. That was funny but again. You obviously only see it as fictional and not serious. Hollywood succeeded in making it a joke in your eyes. But it is no joke. The vampire legend turned comedy by hollywood was based Off of biblical texts of rebellious angels combined with God’s laws forbidding magic and the drinking or eating of blood mixed with the early Ottoman empire and those who ruled it. Look up a man by the name of Vlad Tepes. This is the man who inspired even Hollywood. How can he inspire Hollywood if he lived thousands of years ago? Like all pre-electronic history, true history is not fiction. Vlad Tepes , or rather, his dad, belonged to something known as “The order of the dragon”. His dad was the original “Dracul” which is just latin for “Order of the dragon”. Dracula means Son of the dragon also the impaler. Or something like that. anyhow it was a very bloody empire and some how Mary queen of scots ended up dead as part of some marriage or alliance or whatever that involved the ottoman empire and the british monarchy. Look it up your selves. It’s really interesting.

  26. Um, wow.This is…wow.
    Ok, first sex with a fallen angel is actually rape when it does happen. It did happen to me once, they say incubus, lasted a few minutes and wasn’t very physical. Like a deeper penetration, I couldn’t move at all and anyone who encountered it would tell you the same. I don’t know what kind of angel that was. It is not a thing to be desired or in anyway normal. You are awake through the entire experience and can see everything around you, all that is in your room. It is not something to be desired, I never felt so helpless and puny before. It was supernatural, and in a weired way I think I knew who it was. Someone I met that was, well…

  27. Engel

    Wow a nice subject to research

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s